Monthly Archives: April 2017

So I was mistaken I thought I had the best boyfriend of my life. He was great so attentive but he fooled me good. And I so much wanted to believe him so that’s what I did. I was going thru some shit with my kid who lives with us. And he was so great & so understanding I thought but now I know it was all a lie. He acted like he was here for me but he never actually was. All this time he’s been trying to make dates while I am at work and right from the beginning. And it’s ok. I’m ok with it. Now I’m ok it was all a lie I understand that now & im done

Day 5
It was a fairly pleasant day. I didn’t get much sleep so I ended up working from home. I was pretty productive. It’s funny to me that I feel so much more productive working from home in my pajamas with the TV on in the background. I tend to take less breaks than when I’m in the office and even take less time to eat lunch. I also have to remind myself to check the clock so that I know when it’s quitting time. I’ve never lost track of time while at work in my office. I find that when I’m there I keep watching the clock. But at home I am happy to keep working and not worry about the clock at all.
I’ve got a lot of things going on emotionally at home. I don’t feel like getting into that right now. I will say that I am struggling to have my own life and to think about the things that I want that will make me happy and making those things happen. I am fighting against feeling responsible for grown people who now need to be responsible for themselves. It’s my time and I’m fighting myself to make it my time. It’s a struggle but one I need to go through and one I need to overcome. It will be better for everyone once I do.

Day 2
Today was pretty much like any other. I woke up and went to work just like any other day. I did the things required for me to earn that deposit into my account.
I also got away from the office and had lunch with a friend. We went to a sushi place and it was a really nice time. I enjoyed talking with him & relaxing and laughing. I felt at ease and comfortable. I felt like myself. Or felt something like myself. I wasn’t guarded or careful or secretive. I didn’t feel like I was hiding. I guess that’s really what I came away with from that lunch. I didn’t feel like I was hiding. At that put my soul at ease.

Day one
It’s been too long and I’m not sure how much I’ve been missed but I’m happy to be back. I hope to be more present in my life. I’ve ducked out of it for a long time, doing only the things that I must and nothing more. I’ve been a stranger to myself for such a long time now it will be interesting getting to know myself all over again or maybe for the first time ever. It seems that I’ve allowed myself to be defined by whatever was currently going on in my life. I just kind of went along without being truly present. Then I dropped out of my life. I don’t know if anyone else can understand what I’m trying to say but it’s also ok if no one ever does. I’m starting to figure it out and now it’s time for me. To be happy and fulfilled & satisfied. I need me. And I need to be present for me.